i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
