just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
