Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
