I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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