I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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