So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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