He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just invented taco cereal.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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