when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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