just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
