South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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