he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
