i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
