I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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