Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
