I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Say something about gay babies.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
