MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
