I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
