Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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