paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
