As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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