I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
