he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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