Your tits are I can't wait for
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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