tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
