I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
