I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
