I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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