how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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