i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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