This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
