I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Panties = found
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
