How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
