ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
