just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You can't just leave with hair like that
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
When are your genitals available?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
