I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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