I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize