is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
