I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
