Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
