My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
