end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I need moral support for this bender
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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