Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
