i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
