Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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