im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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