Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
