the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
