my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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