i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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