yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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