the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
