I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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