your parents love me but you hate me
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
