I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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