like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
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if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
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I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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