i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
