It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Acid is not a monday night drug
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
