Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
