I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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