rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
