I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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