Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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