i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
