He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
