Can i not drive my cunt home
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My day in three words: secret purse cake
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
