Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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