Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
