dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Randomize
