he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
